dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
