Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
