she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
