so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
