just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
