You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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