Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
