I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
