Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
