Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
