Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
