Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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