Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
