Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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