we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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