Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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