It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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