remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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