So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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