Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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