Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
