my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
