I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
