Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I supernannyed him into submission
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
