I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
