I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
