Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
