I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
