Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
