The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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