At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
