This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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