is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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