Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
