I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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