i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
