Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
