...so i touched it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
