i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
