Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
