dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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