So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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