No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize