she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
