I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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