I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
