the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
