I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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