You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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