Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
