**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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