I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it glows. i had to have it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
