She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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