you guys were way drunker than both of me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize