Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
