In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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