he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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