We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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