I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
