I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
