I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You are the jesus of drinking
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
