we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
