if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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