you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
