I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me i tasted like america
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
