When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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