I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize