I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize