all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize