I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
