I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize