my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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