i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
