The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
