If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
