You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
