not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
