DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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