I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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