I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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