Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
